Like most people certain days provide more of a challenge. Money, work, family, relationships. All of the above?? I just have some unique ostomy challenges.
When its a 'low' day I have to work even harder. Some days even getting out of bed is tough. Dealing with my stoma when im in a slump (which usually means its playing up too) is often too much.
Yes I am different, but different isnt always bad. The bag and ileostomy remind me of my "difference" every day. So I dont need reminding by anything else. I hate to be treated different. Perhaps just some understanding on the tougher days ; )
It probably stems from when I finally got home from hospital and I was in recovery mode. I promised myself I wouldn't let this beat me. I would never quit...EVER!
So when my stoma decides it doesnt want to play nice...my armour goes into overload. We all have armour, a mask of sorts, its like a shield we put up to prevent others from seeing what emotional state we are really in. Took a few counselling sessions to realise but apparently my shield is good. Perhaps too good ; )
For me the biggest challenge of having a stoma isnt the the physical. For me it's the psychological. Yes its vanity, but the bag always seem to be protrude. Most people tell me it doesnt show. Well I know its there so it always seems to. I find myslf constantly fiddling and checking the bag. Over the years I have had a few nasty leaks and a few near misses so I guess this is mostly just paranoia
Its no secret I have a stoma/bag so why all the trouble to hide it??
Not really sure, being 'normal' and normality just sounds a little dramatic. Over the last few months I have met people who are happy to be seen with their bag on show. On holiday, whilst wearing swimming costumes etc. Im not at that stage yet. I can talk about it, write about it but when it comes to people outside my close circle seeing it....just not comfortable.
Perhaps writing this bog is helping me criss this barrier..guess no matter how far ive come, always further to go.
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