So let me start this blog by saying..I'm a fucking idiot. Its rare I write these blogs when I am in a bad place. Well....atm its not the greatest place to be.
I know it looks like I have my shit all sorted. My life on track, I know who I am and what I am doing...but not always.
Work stress has been mad, my health has not been the best, I am recovering from an injury.... life is just complicated.
I'm sure I've mentioned my Armour before...usually it's good. And I mean really good. I can take the daily hits and roll with the punches better than most. I pretend to know who I am and where I'm going.
BUT...even the best Armour has weak spots.
Let me try and put it another way....
We all carry a back pack. This back pack is full of life's everyday stresses & challenges. These manifest as a combination of rocks and stones. Most of the time we are able to carry this rucksack fairly comfortably. We even have room for the odd daily unexpected ones.
We become conditioned in everyday life to subconsciously either remove a pebble to squeeze a stone in or just not to bother carrying that pebble with us. Life is constantly reshaping or re-prioritizing pebbles.
However, there are occasions where we just get handed way too and pebbles and even a giant rock that we need to carry.
Our rucksacks become overloaded. We struggle. The weight of the world literally on our shoulders. Holding us back so we are unable to take a step forward. In extreme cases this rucksack breaks...all the stones and pebbles come tumbling out and we have no idea where to start getting them back into our rucksack. How to get back on track
Let me stop right here and say this is an unusual blog....normally I write these in one sitting. I read once, then publish. It is rare that I will start writing a blog, stop and then come back to finish it off few weeks later. Well with this is one of those rare blogs.
My rucksack was overflowing. The weight had become too much and I could not see a way to prioritize. I began to make every pebble a boulder. I added pebbles that didn't even need to be there. Pebbles that didn't even exist!
That was until a few weeks ago. I basically reached a point where I said 'Fuck it!' Life is too short for this. I've been through too much to let this be the point I implode. So I dumped my rucksack. I threw all my toys out of my pram. I prioritized everything.
WHAT really is important in my life.
WHO really is important in my life.
I began to care less about what people thought of me and more about what I thought of myself. I became who I wanted to be. Not what the Armour had made me.
Ironically this 'Fuck it' moment was just what I needed. My Armour is once again back, better than ever. My unknown weak spot repaired (well I'm aware of it anyway) My rucksack is back. The boulders have become pebbles, some of the pebbles have been left behind. I'm back moving forward, I know who I am, where I want to be and WHAT I want to be doing again. Life is back on track.
Anyway...hopefully my random references to rucksacks, pebbles and stones are not too obscure and you kinda know what I am talking about?
Although, to be honest I hope you don't. I'm assuming the people that will get this metaphor are those that struggle with their own rucksacks. Have their own daily pebble challenges.
If you do then don't let your rucksack weigh you down. You OWN it, you control what goes into it. The pebbles do not control you. x
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