So...what a week.
I can honestly say I'm glad it's over!
It's been a week of EXTREME highs and lows. My stomaversary being mid week almost symbolised the hump of this roller coaster week.
Today was the lowest for some time. I was already stressed at work....I mean really stressed. Some small incident sent me into a downwards spiral of self pity, doubt and anxiety.
For those who have never experienced this type of emotional overload...I'll try and explain.
It's like your logical/sensible part of you, you know that little voice of reason, that voice that tells you to chill, stop being a feckin idiot...well he is locked away. Instead our irrational emotions take control
You start to feel and think things that normally you wouldn't. Overanalysing everything. Ever comment made or not made. Unfortunately always with a negative spin. So begins the vicious cycle.
When feeling like this...no matter what someone tells you....you don't believe it. It's like all logic is ignored.
Seriously you can almost hear your little rational voice trying to tell you to think, chill out...man the fuck up your making things worse! But your irrational anxiety is just louder, drowning out all the filters that normally stop you going off the deep end!
It makes you do and say things to people, people that you care for, people you love that you normally wouldn't. Seriously it's like you become a completely different person. Even though people are trying to reassure you, you don't listen...even if what they are saying makes perfect sense.
Fortunately along my journey I've developed some tricks (where my love of Neuro Linguistic Programming 'NLP' began) to try and get me back to a level....sensible self. Today I just struggled a bit more than normal. Unfortunately it meant I was 'irrational' for longer than I should of been today.
I have no excuses for my actions today....for the way I reacted. In fact I'm a bit embarrassed by it. I hate getting emotional when I have no real reason.
Don't misunderstand me....I'm actually kinda proud that I'm not a completely heartless bastard. I'm a heart on my sleeve kinda guy. I mean cumon you've hopefully read some of my blogs. I call it as I see and feel it.
However, what this means is that when I have a 'blip' it's usually a bad one. Today was.
Now my rational voice has taken over I feel like a complete goon! I almost take a step backwards worrying about how I'd felt earlier in the day.
I wish it didn't but I have had plenty of these days. Work stress was definately the trigger. Trouble is I seem to deflect in other areas to the cause of the stress.
Part of the battle is being aware....part of the trouble in being me is....I'm a softie. I care, I worry. I'm probably too nice?
Probably care more than I should about things that I shouldn't. So after I've had an episode I beat myself up on how I acted. How I may of upset people around me, those I care for. I'm also a worrier....Apparently I get that from my mum 😉 xx
But hey...noone is perfect....Let's say it's my one flaw 😂😂😂
*that's a joke btw
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