Do not underestimate the power of music

Weird how on my way to Be Loud event on the train my mind was wandering.
I had decided to take headphones and listen to some tunes as train journeys can be boring on ya own.

Listening to one of my favourite albums I found my spirts lifted. Music really can provoke an emotional response. 

This then triggered a memory from my first year or so after operation during councelling. I wasnt suffering from panic attacks in the conventional sense but at times my coping mechanism and armours failed me. Roger my Mcmillan councellor had recomended having my ipod loaded with a few 'feel good' tunes. When I felt my armour being tested I could dissapear and listen to these one or two songs. I didnt know then but this has foundations in NLP neruo linguistical programming.

In simple terms memories are often triggered by sights sounds or smells. Memories of a beautiful summer can be triggered by the smell of cut grass. Your partners special perfume instictively makes you think of them.

Well it works. Load a song thats special to you. One that brings back a special memory of an occassion or a loved one. Next time you get overloaded just take 5 and listen to it. 

My song is one special to me. The song of the first dance at my wedding with my wife. Even now I use this song to slow the world down, remember the important things and question is the reason why im overloading really going to effect the most important things in my life??

Love you baby xx

The journey has only just begun

Hi all,

2013 was about pushing myself to new limits of physical and mental strength. In 2014 my ambition is to give something back. This doesnt have to always be monetary as awareness of sysmptons to me is just as important.

Its been a mad journey since my first race and starting this blog (sometimes I am struggling to keep up!)

Anyway this is where it all began, please share the link to this blog. www.mudbagrunner@blogspot.com

My hope is if one of my stories, my rambles could help raise awareness. The feedback I have had so far has been humbling so if it can help one person on their journey, or raise awareness then its all be worthwhile.

Full circle

Last week was my annual check up. Things didn't go according to plan. The few days that lead up to my check up had been stressful. This had obviously started the remainnig colitus in my stump to flare up. I suspected that the endcospy would be uncomfortable, however, I hadnt expected this level of discomfort this quickly. The specialist realised that the pain was disproportionate to the procedure and decided to stop.

For those who have never had the proceedure an Endoscopy is where a camera is inserted to check the inside of your bowels and take biopsys of inflammed areas. I am sure any good google or Bing or wikipedia search will be able to do a far better job of explaining it than I can.

What these searches may not tell you is that as you lay on your side facing all the equipment. you also have the pleasure of facing the same screen that the surgeon sees when inserting the camera. I again have the pleasure of seeing parts of the inside of my body. A luxury that you never get bored with ;) Seeing this confirmed why the pain had been so intense, my stump was inflamed ulcerated and very very sore!

I felt bad that I had to cancel the procedure and also annoyed that I would have to go through this all over again.

Anyway enough of my medical history on to the real topic. Before the procedure as I am now becoming almost on first name basis wit the specialist and endoscopy nurses I mentioned this blog and the charity work that I have recently been involved in. The nurse mentioned that after the procedure she would try and introduce me to Karen the bowel cancer nurse who is also involoved in raising awareness. As I sat in the recovery room annoyed, frustrated and a bit emotional,  Karen arrived.

It took us both a few seconds to recognise each other but Karen was the nurse all those years ago that was there the day I was told I had Cancer. That day is still a blur. I'll be honest all I recall is laughing. A weird reaction right?

We chatted for a while. It was as I discussed 2013 with her and the planned activities for 2014 that I once again realised how much I have achieved. It was perfect timing after tge failed procedure and possible UC flare up. Its these reflections that drive me. 2014 is shaping up to be epic. Parliament next week, more OCR events and some interesting conversations with my stoma bag suppliers ; )

The past shapes who we are today, but right now WE have the ability to shape our future.

Deja-vu

Why is it when you buy a new car while you are waiting to take delivery all you see on the road is that exact make, model and colour. Well with my endoscopy annual check tommorrow all I seem to hear on the Tv or Radio is adverts about Cancer!

Don't get me wrong I am not against the publicity, far from it. This year my main goal of all my activities is to raise awareness. It just as per my last post this check up brings back far too many memories. (Anyone that has been touched by such an illness may agree with this next statement.) No matter how many times the doctors, nurses or other medical experts say it you never beleive that the Cancer has fully gone. I think its perhaps loss of faith in your body?

I know for me up until that point I hadn't really taken much notice of the noises or warning my body gave me, youthfull ignorance? Depending on my mental 'high' or 'low' days like tommorrow can be a real challenge. There is no logic to my concerns. No symptons that would suggest anything 'nasty' has returned. Although it is gauranteed tonights sleep and the time spent in the waiting room tommorrow a nagging thought will be bouncing around my head... WHAT IF??

I cant fault the NHS however, they are always polite and 'mostly' on time with their appointments. Its just there is also an aggonising wait of almost a week till I recieve a letter telling me 'all is ok'
As I just typed that sentance I could even feel my stomach turn at the thought of recieving 'that' letter.
I am sure all will be fine and whatever will be will be, Ill adapt, evolve and overcome, same as always ;)

The Return of the Mud Bag Runner

I'm Back!!

Well I actually haven't been away just havent updated the blog for a few weeks. I started to think about why. I have had such a positive response to many of the posts over the last few months.

Life has been hectic, the festive period, work has been hectic, god its been stressful!

The usual distractions aside Im not sure why but in December my resolve was tested. This resulted in a bit of an emotional low. something I havent experienced for quite a while. I had dusted off my armour and once again shields were up. I think this was compunded by a call from the hospital confirming my annual Endoscopy was due. This is basically a procedure to check my remaining intestines to make sure no signs of anything nasty returning.

This is always a challenging time as it brings back all the memories of my first every Endocopy when I was first diagnosed. Until recently it was in the same room, in the same theatre and even the same waiting room! Its weird what you recall but I even remember the actual seat in the waiting room form all those years ago! Once the waiting room was so busy this an another chair were the only seat available. I dont consider myself to be superstitious, but I sat in the other chair ;)

Perhaps it was a combination of things? Luckily time with Carley, Jack, good friends combined with my Birthday (where one of my gifts was a Go Pro camera which I can use to record and share all my races!!) and New Year was all that was needed to get me back on track.

My hospital check up is approaching fast but this really is a routine procedure. I'm really not so sure why it bothers me?

Before Xmas I had begun to prepare a blog summarising 2013 (although rather late Ill probably still share it)its not until now that the significance and impact this year has had really hit me. I am fitter and healthier now at 35, after surviving cancer, adapting to having a stoma, starting a family and dealing with all of lifes 'normal' issues than I was at 21! Not something that I guess many people can say.

2014 is already looking like it will put 2013 to shame. By the end of March I would've competed in 2 OC races. I am also returning to 'The Trenches' with 2 friends in their first OC race.

The biggest change already in 2014 is my involvement with charities. I'm featured in Beating Bowel Cancers patient magazine and in a few short weeks I have been asked to join them at an event at the House of commons as a patient 'voice'..what an honour! Plus in July as part of the 'Super Stoma' team I am competing in the Thunder run for Ostomy Athletes a 24hour endurance race with 7 other ostomists.

I guess no journey is smooth we all encounter bumps along the way. The only way to manage them effectively is to adapt and overcome and ride the positives. 2013 was full of these milestones and I am going to do everything I can in 2014 to continue the momentum :)

Happy New year, and bring it 2014!!!!!