You cant control what happens, but you can control your response!

Recent events have made me reflect on my own Cancer diagnosis. Whilst most of the last 8 years is a blur with tests and hospital appointments all merging into one. Strangely I do recal very specific things about the day my life changed forever.

I mayve mentioned before but NLP Nero Lingustic Programming suggets that many memories are logged as sounds, or smells. These sounds or smells create negative or positive anchors.  Years later one of these senses will trigger a memory from years ago.

The hospital "smell" is something that anyone who has undergone an operation or even visited someone in hospital will be familiar with. I , however, recall the exact seat in the waiting room. The day we were told I had cancer there was at least an inch of snow on the ground so even that strange silence you get when it snows reminds me of that day. 

I do recall immediately after being told just laughing. A strange nervous laugh expecting that there had been a mistake.

Then the years that follow. The day you are given the news that the Cancer hasnt spread, then when you are told you are "clear" you have earned your 5 year all clear badge. Thats it right? HELL NO!!

I sincerely hope you never have to experience this but a piece of paper and a pat on the back and no longer being an outpatient gives does not convince you all is clear.

In my opinion when we are told we have a life threatening illness you are suddenly told your body (that you have understood and becone very familiar with) for the last 'x' number of years has hidden something from you. Something sinister was lurking without you knowing it was there. You go to bed Sunday feeling good, feeling normal and wake up Monday being told you have Cancer! Can we really trust our bodies again? Again in my opinion, honestly....NO.

But who can? Who knows whats really going on beneath the surface. Whilst I no longer fully trust my body what I do have is a better understanding of it. More awareness more time to listen to it. Our bodies are a machine, with ever part doing a specfic job. Each important in its own way. All we can do is listen to the signs its gives us and make sure we pay attention. Now this may sound negative, far too serious for my blog posts. 

Personnally I have found it all very liberating. Dealing with my own illness was easier than dealing with my mums diagnosis only a few weeks after my operation. 

I realised all I can do is survive, the rest is down to fate and the skill of the medical profession. Why stress over something out of our control? That said I DO NOT underestimate that I was VERY VERY lucky with my diagnosis  and recovery. However, I have tried to hang on to this philosophy after all the years. Often catching myself mid stress and cursing myself for it!

Based on this I do not however subscribe to life choices like Y.O.L.O (you only live once) or "Live today like its your last" These tend to be excuses people use to try and justify to everyone else why they are doing something. Does other peoples opinions matter that much? Can you EGO not take that others will not agree with your choices?

Yes you do only live once and we should make the most of it, but in my experience never at the expense of tommorrow. If you live your life right there should always be one. We should always be planning for today AND tommorrow.

That also doesn't mean you don't take the odd risk every now and again, o something that puts you out of your comfort zone. Do something that gets the adrenaline going ;)

Dont let a life changing event show you the real priorities in life like it did for me and so many others. 

Get ahead of the curve, enjoy what you have with those you love today and tommorrow ;)

 

Back 2 Back 2 to The Trenches....again ;)

The more events I compete in the more they become addictive. I think now I have started they will continue to be a part of my life.

One of the other reason is every event pushes me, keeps me focused. Then certain events out of nowhere end up being special for very different reasons.

Once again Back 2 Trenches at the end of 2013 became one of those events. I walked back to my car for the first time with my stoma bag on show. A huge jump in my 'recovery' and confidence. 

So what this time?

Well first the event. Once again The Trenches team (who I am pleased to say I can now call friends) put on another great event. They may not have the biggest obstacles in the OCR scene, but again this is what I love about OCR. Each event has its place its uniqueness. I proudly call myself a Nuker, part of the Nuclear race's family but that doesn't mean I cant enjoy other races.

What Trenches do have in abundance is hills. Now when I say hills...I mean hills!!!
The trerrain at Trenches is unlike any of the events I have competed in. I lost count of how many times I ascended and descended!  By the end of the 12km (which according to some fellow comoetitors was a bit longer) the hills combined with the heat (man it was a nice day!) destroyed my calves, quads and hamstrings!!

My gopro video will be eddited shortly and will do a far better job at showing you the event than I can. But let me say this, if youve never run an OCR make sure Trenches is on your list ;)

So to my original point. I finished the evnt in just over 2 hour. I'm not fast but I dont compete against others or the clock. I compete against my own challenges ;)
In what seems to becoming the norm Trenches had supplied some outside showers to clean up the mud (that gets everywhere!)

Normally I avoid these but today....well I joined the que and initially intended to shower with my tshirt still on, just to wash the mud off my legs and face. As I waited I thought f##k it. It was hot, the showers looked cool. I took off my shirt in a que with what mustve been at least 50 other people, rolled down my supportive shorts and stood inline with my bag on show.

I could see people looking not wanting to stare but wondering what the hell that was on my stomach?? I chatted confidently with other people in the que. If it didnt bother me why should it bother them. I showered washed as much mud off as I could and once again walked past the ques and back to my car.

Trenches seems to be the event where big things happen. Last time I walked alone past a few dozen people to my car. This time I stood in a que, then showered infront of everyone with my bag out.

If last time was a step forward with all eyes facing forward this was a huge leap!

#lovemud
#loveocr

Oh, and I hope you agree a cool bit of original bling!!

Man vs Flu....well a sinus infection anyway ;)

So I haven't blogged for almost 2 weeks now!  This has been down to life becoming a bit hectic and man flu progressing into a full blown sinus infection.

Its not only my blogging that has suffered but i haven't trained in almost 2 weeks too!  My head feels like it is going to explode. if you haven't had a sinus infection before...WOW  OUCH!!!!

Drugs are the answer and the antibiotics are now starting to make me feel more human.  I am hoping they are going to work their magic quicker.  Sunday is my next OCR event Back to the Trenches.  This could be the first event that I have booked that I may have to withdraw from. 12km may be just too much.  my head still feels like its not connected to the rest of my body.

The good news is at least now my head doesn't hurt as much.

in a number of blogs I have always said we need to listen to our body, well i am kinda going to listen to my own advice.

after work today i am going to try a quick run (only a few km) to see how my body feels. Then as this isn't my first Trenches run I am aware the course splits and I may downgrade my run to the 6km course rather than 12km. I'm not too happy in doing this but I really want to run and soooo badly want my 3rd Trenches medal!

so wish me luck its make or break time!

Wow! That was close!

My training regieme regularily changes. Every 4-8 weeks Phil mixes things up still moving towards my overall goal but keeping my body guessing. No getting complacent ; )

Well this new stage starts with the old reliables Deadlifts and Squats. These are coming on nicely actually weights starting to move up. Deadlifts at 4x 8 reps @96kg and squats same having just moved to 77.5kg! :)

Anyway, these are followed by a 10min high intensity session. This consist of 2 different movements. For example a bench press with a 22.5kg dumbell in each hand followed by bodyweight pulls with an added 5kg on my chest. But there is the catch. They are back to back. No rest, one movement straight to another! You start with 5 reps of each. When you reach a point where you cant push out another rep, you drop to 4 etc etc. You continue this for 10mins. Always looking to beat your last 'score'

And yep, its as tough as it sounds. It defo gets the heart pumping and in the recent weather...SWEATY!!

Whilst its always good to share my training regieme to show having an Ostomy means you can still train, this isnt the reason for this blog.

During a recent session I was about half way through and was pressing the 22.5kg dumbells. Fatigue had kicked in, I was struggling. Thats when it happened. My right arm just wouldn't hold and the dumbell dropped. Id always joked about dropping a weight on my head or face, but this was worse. It dropped and landed on my stoma!!!

I felt immediatley sick. I wasnt sure if this was through pain or shock. Either way I felt the blood drain from my face and I was extremely worried.

If you haven't read my previous blog on what is a stoma, essentially it is a delicate part of my small intestine that pertrudes from my stomach. So, very delicate. In the split seconds immediately after the worrying thought flew through my head. What if I had damaged my stoma. What the hell would happen!!!

Luckily or perhaps a reflex had caused tge weight to hit my hip just below my stoma and not the stoma itself.  When I realised this I cant explain how relieved I was.  I composed myself and finished the workout.

The following few days had knocked my confidence a bit. I strarted to worry had I bitten off more than I could chew with all the OCRs in 2014. Each one was upping the game pushing me to my limits. Injury is always a worry to any competitor. But what if I damaged my stoma!

These thoughts were hard to shake and I honestly thought that I may not finish everything I had planned for 2014. I have too much to lose!

I continued to train but my heart wasnt really in it. My next session with Phil was exactly the same workout.  I think Phil knew I was worried. When we reached the presses I felt that Phil had moved a little closer. He was there incase it happened again. Im pleased to say that I pushed through with no incidents.

I must thank Phil. In my opinion this is the sign of a good trainer. He knew I was worried. But instead of change anything he just gently pushed me and was there should anything happen. 

My confidence returned. I realised that I could injure myself in normal life. Because of my training over the last few years it has actually made my core stronger.

We all lose confidence, but we have to look deep inside. If something is worth doing it will always have risk.

WHAT DOESNT KILL US MAKES US STRONGER ; )

Nuclear Rush. Forever my 'special race' Did the follow up deliver?

May 12th 2013 was and always will be (as per my previous blog) a very special date.  My first OCR Nuclear Rush. 

Sunday 11th May 2014 was my return visit.  My anxiousness was high.  I had become close to the Nuclear team and was more aware this time what to expect with small insights into certain obstacles on the course.  Would my expectations be met, I recalled an old saying 'Never meet your heros' had I returned to Rush expecting the same eleation at crossing the line, the same emotions as 12 months and many OCRs later?? 

I had been planning and even started to write a review.  However, many of my muddy colleagues have done a far better job that I ever would so if you are interested I thought I would share Mudstacles review of Rush the 'Game Changer '

 http://www.mudstacle.com/2014/05/nuclear-rush-video-report-game-changer.html 

I di use my Go pro and have decided  to post my first person highlights of the day (sorry having real trouble adding music).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9WofOT2oGE

 

Instead of a more formal review I wanted to share my very personal experiences at Rush.  

What I will say is as always this was an incredible well organised and most importantly for me a safe race.  Don’t get me wrong as you will see from the video and many many pictures available online. This was not a race for the unprepared.  A few injuries did occur.

 

This was probably one of the most physically and mentally challenging races to date.  Each time I run a Nuclear Race I say the same thing.  That’s simply because each time I race they have upped their game!  As if the ¼ pipe wasn’t enough (my nemesis from Blackout) this time we also had the zip line, ‘death’ slide 120m Guerilla bars (monkey bars on steroids) and more mud than you can imagine.  Seriously you should of seen the bottom of the shower after the race.  

The course also held a very special obstacle.  One of my fellow Nukers Dave Ayling had been given a section of river to ‘create’ an obstacle.  He kindly invited myself and Simon Fowler to assist.  The ‘Mud Bro’s’ Log carry river run was born. 

I cant thank him enough for this opportunity.  What an honour to be involved in designing an obstacle and then running it with thousands of others.  So to anyone reading this who ran Rush, Sorry I was part responsible for the log river run ;)

If you read my last post you will realise how special this next parts were.  

I ran out of the forest and met one of the many pond crossings.  As I was midway I looked up and saw the tree stump and bank where 12 months previously my family had stood and cheered me on.  I chocked back a lump in my throat and wadded on.

After more forests and obstacles we began to loop back to the event village.  Again another well organised plan from Nuclear races.  They had manipulated the course so almost 12 obstacles were within easy walking distance.  As I slide down the Fire-mans pole and managed a quick dunk in and out of the ICE BATH the crowds cheering were getting bigger and we were confronted by the ¼ pipe.  My head dropped as I really wasn’t looking forward to this obstacle.  However, once again my spirits were lifted as I heard ‘DADDY!!’ and looked up to see Carley, Jack and Luna all with beaming smiles (yes even Luna, one perk of owning a Dalmatian is when they are happy, they smile!)

My energy levels returned (kinda) and new determination (as I didn’t want to face plant and slide back down in-front of my family! Also at this stage Carley had her phone out and was snapping and recording away!  I had started running with a few friends and about halfway had been caught up by another.  He tackled the ¼ pipe first and managed it 1^st time.  I took my first few steps and then went for it.  I managed to get to the top and without his help would still be hanging there (Thanks Chris!)

As we emerged from the forest one last time Carley and Jack had were once again cheering me on.  I called Jack over and we ran the last few meters to the finish line together.

Once again Rush will hold some awesome memoreies and a special place in my heart.

#LOVEMUD

Full circle

Tomorrow is Nuclear Rush. 

Its a special day in my 2014 race calendar.  Yep its a home town race and get to meet up with my Nuclear family, but, its also the anniversary race when my love for OCR began.

May 2013 I had been training for about 6 months. When I started I could barely run around the block let alone a 10km OCR.

I ran, I got muddy...and I loved it! 

It was the first time since my operation and battle that I'd done something I NEVER would of done. Post Cancer me had pushed the boundaries of what I thought was possible.  what I thought I coukd do. From that day I decided to never look back, to keep pushing.

2013 Rush was fun, emotional and tough with many many memories. But for me while I write this I have one memory that will stick with me forever.

Nearing the end of the course was a lake crossing, as I entered the murky water I looked up and saw Carley (my wife) and my son Jack (thats the back of his head in the grey hoody) both beaming with pride as I waded through. I wont lie in the picture below I have a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat. I will never forget the look on Jacks face as he shouted "DADDY!!" to get my attention. If you have kids you'll know what I mean. His face was covered with happiness and pride. Something I will never forget!!

Its been 12 months since that race. That was really the catalist for everything that has happened. I want to thank Nuclear races. If it wasnt for such a great event I mayve just given up there. 

Plus I have had the priviledge of meeting and making some great new OCR mad friends (you know who you are) ; )

I Won't lie still nervous about the race tomorrow as I was 12 months ago. Nuclear races have upped their game and the obstacles are MONUMENTAL! My go pro is charging as we speak so Im hoping to capture every muddy mile from 1/4 pipe to zip line.

It will be an emotional race @Rush tomorrow And once again Carley and Jack are hoping to be there.

See you in the mud NUKERS #LOVEMUD

To swim or not to swim...that is the question

This will only be a short blog as I'm working on something about the lead up to Rush. This event is special to me as it marks the anniversary of my first OCR. Anyway dont want to spoil my blog ; )

This weekend Jack wanted to go swimming to show me how he now goes on the water slide. Of course how can you say no?

Despite what you may think about me and what you may think if you have read my blog, I am still very body concious. Especially when swimming. When running, competing or in every day unless you know, you would never know I have a stoma.When swimming I feel that I my bag and scars are really visible. Plus for some reason swimming makes my bag feel 'strange' I cant explain why, it just does.

So for me swimming is a real challenge. But thats what I do right ; ) I was outside of my comfort zone. The biggest part is getting changed. Every time I have previous swam I had changed in a cubical.

Well Sunday I decided enough is enough. I talk about raising awareness and how we shouldn't be ashamed of our bags. Time to do what I preach. So I sucked it up and got changed in the communal area.

Now here is the part of the story I hope you smile. My stoma bag is just that a plastic bag. It doesn't dry very well. In fact it can take some time to air dry. So I noticed something unusually for a male changing room..... a hairdryer.

I made a bold decision and in the middle of the changing rooms wearing nothing but my boxers I began to 'hairdry' my bag. Must admit got a few strange looks, but needs must right ; )