It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change

This post may seem unusual as I usually portray I am very comfortable in my own skin, in being an Ostomist....well usually I am but even the strongest amongst us have our more challenging days.

Perhaps its because my training has been interrupted by an injury?  Perhaps its because I have used this 'injury' as an excuse and my dietary bad habits have returned? My old nemesis sugar has got its sticky fingers back in my diet!

Either way, Im not feeling at my best at the moment and this usually manifests itself with stoma issues.  These aren't always physical challenges but sometimes just my personal physiological perception.  These feelings spiral and the negative views of my stoma take over.  While my life with a stoma has been improved in so many ways, on the tougher days its just hard to remeber the positives.

Whilst stoma bags dont need changing every day my routine is I change my bag every morning after a shower, it just feels nicer to wear a clean bag? Not sure why?  

Anyway a few mornings ago while changing my bag my stoma wasn't behaving.  As an Ostomist we have no control over the stoma 'output' it happens when it happens.  Today it decided to be temperamental while I had removed the bag.  As I sat there looking at the spout of my stoma it just felt surreal?  how could this piece of my insides function for the last 8 years on the outside of my body?  As I looked at this 'alien' piece of my body in that moment on that day I would've traded almost anything to not have my stoma!

It was strange the feeling blindsided me and I began to feel rather down. Like a wave of depression had washed over me.  This feeling stuck with me for a few days. Perhaps as after that moment I had become more aware of it.  I felt like the bag was pronounced protruding through my clothing.  It wasn't, it hadn't but isn't it weird that when you become aware of something its all that you see and feel?  A spot or a blemish seems to be all you can glance at in the mirror.  Well imaging that feeling and that how I felt about my stoma for about a week.

It actually took a few days to realize I was in the spiral (easier to spot as I have been here before) before I kicked my arse to snap out of it!  I remember all the good things my stoma and this journey have given me.  The people I have met, more importantly the people that have stepped up and been there for me when I needed them, people like my wife.

Labeling something as 'depression' sounds a bit dramatic but i guess in a way that one bag change was like a black cloud descending over those few days.  Mentally following me and casting a shadow over everything I did.

 

I guess the real strength is recognizing this 'cloud' and adapting to overcome its challenge.

The title of this blog is is a quote from Charles Darwin's Origin of the species. I felt that this quote covered the context of this blog far more effectively than I ever could.

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change

Decembeard 2014

As I write this update I look back at my Decembeard 2013 post and whilst many things have changed in the last 12 months, alot stays the same. My 2013 post starts off 'I haven't blogged for a few weeks as life has been manic' well guess what ;)

Once again between family and work commitments it is the time of the year when personal time is at a premium.

However, once agin I am participating in Decembeard. It is a campaign for Beating Bowel Cancer to raise awareness and donations.

As I am sure by now you are all aware bowel Cancer awareness is something something I am very passionate about.

So why grow some facial fluff?

Bowel Cancer is the UK's 2nd biggest cancer killer and 4th most common form of cancer. One person ever 13 minutes is diagnosed with bowel cancer and it claimed almost 16,000 people last year.

Examples of some shocking statistics right?

Whilst it is one of the most common forms of cancer if diagnosed early it is also one of the most treatable....im living proof! :)

So why participate in Decembeard?  Well if a small amout of hair is what is required to raise awareness and possibly save lives....why wouldnt I ;)

#mudbagrunner

Its not what you eat its how you eat it

Well ok thats not strictly true, however, I read this statement (ironically on the backing of some Rock Tape which Im currently using to assist with my ankle injury) anyway it started me thinking.

First some helpful facts:
Your intestines are 6.5 metres long. That's nearly as long as a double decker bus!

Your intestines are made up of the small intestine and large intestine.

After food is churned up in your stomach, a muscle at the end of your stomach squirts small amounts of food into the top of your small intestine.

As food is squeezed along the small intestine, it is broken down into even smaller parts. Most of the nutrients in your food pass through the lining of your small intestine into your blood.

Anything that can't be absorbed into the blood goes into the large intestine. Water is reabsorbed in the large intestine.

This is alsos is why hydration issues plague Ostomists. We dont effectively absorb water from our foods. But thats for a different blog ;)

As an ileOstomist I have no large intestine. Meaning the time for food to 'digest' is reduced.

Anyway back to my original point. This reduced digestive system means food passes semi undigested.  Often an ileo output is of a porridge consistancy, sorry if that puts you of your porridge (especially if your reading this on a winters morning)

As an Ostomist you definatley become more intune with your body and what you are eating! What I have also noticed is my "output" is masively affected by what I eat. Im not talking about corn or other normal hard to digest foods. Although tbh often no point me even wasting my money to eat these!

I mean if I eat fast foods, takeaways or fry ups etc. my output reflects the contents of these "unhealthy" often greasy food types.

They process through my digestive system quickly, very quickly!! One shocking side effect is you also become VERY aware of all the preservatives and colouring that are used in these foods.

Healthier foods are harder to break down (side effect is they make you feel fuller for longer) In my reduced digestive system I question "do I really get the benefit from these foods?" Sorry to be crude but some digest well....undigested! ;)

This can be compounded by not chewing properly. Think I recall somewhere you are supposed to chew each moutful 20times.....who has time to do that!

Interestingly I also have a thought regarding why fastfoods can make you easily gain weight. They digest very differently. Im no nutritionlist but they fats etc seem to be absorbed in our digestive system far easier.

which brings me full circle to my original thought.  I'm not saying I'm a saint but it really does make you think about what we put into our bodies. ;)

A sad day.

Recently we have had to lose one of our family pets.  The experience was obviously very sad but strangely it triggered some old memories.

Over the last 11 years Ill obviously have many fond memories, however, thinking of Missy reminded  one of the biggest days of my life…..returning home from hospital.

I have not really written a blog about my hospital experience.  I have only been writing for about a year and the op was 8 years ago and a distant memory.

As I am sure I have hinted my experience after my diagnosis was a bit of a blur!  I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitus (an IBD) and then a few weeks later told I also had bowel cancer and needed a major operation.

I actually remember the day well.  It was February and in true to British weather it hadn’t snowed in Dec or Jan but start Feb we had a fair amount of snow.  Looking back I should’ve known something was up.  I received a letter from the NHS informing me I had an appointment for the following day.  Up until this stage I had had little experience with the NHS so thought nothing of this short notice reply.

My appointment was for early the next day.  I was so naïve that myself and Carley drove in separate cars.  I expected the appointment to be quick and then id be off to work.  I was suited and booted ready for a day in the office.  The next clue was due to the adverse weather the consultant was running late.  The nurses were personally coming over to me and apologising for the dealy and giving me regular updates on his progress.  After 8 years of appointments I  know this is not normal!  On reflection they weren’t updating anyone else in the waiting room, ignorance is bliss huh!

I remember very little about the appointment.  I remember laughing hysterically between the tears once I was told I had Cancer.  I recall a brief drawing explain where the tumour was and what type of operation I would need.  I remember being taken by the Colorectal Nurses to a room allowing me to absorb the details of what we had just been told.  I remember calling my boss at the time and explaining that I wouldn’t be in, random right!

The journey home was a blur.  My next recollection was telling my mum.  I couldn’t tell her this over the phone and I couldn’t find the stegnth to speak to her and tell her that she had to some home urgently.  I had to contact my step dad and ask him to contact her so they could come home early.  Telling her was one of the toughest moments of my life.  I can still see her face now as she digested the news.  I think we all knew that something was wrong when I had asked them to come home, but, hearing the words makes it real.

Ironic really as only a few months after my operation my mum had to have the same conversation with me.   

She had been diagnosed with breast cancer and required an op and some radiotherapy.  Mum and I were always close but an unusual silver lining of our respective brushes with Cancer it actually brought us closer.  I find that speaking to fellow survivors or Ostomist often you don’t need to explain there is almost an unspoken understanding of what you have been or are going through.

Anyway I digress.  My date for my operation came and I tried to continue with work.  Unsuccessfully I may add as concentrating was almost impossible.  The week before I took some time off, again I do not remember much, expect going to the cinema on my own to see the first Ghost Rider (Nicolas Cage) film.  Good job I was distracted as man it was a bad film!

My operation came some minor complications (which will prob be another blog post) and ahead of scheduled within 4 days after my stubbornness paid off I was discharged and sent home.  Bringing us full circle to my original point.  The journey home was painful, I had some painkillers but I was still very bruised and swollen and every bump in the road was painful.  I finally arrived home.  I had been strong up to this point and tried to keep my emotions in check.

It was at this point as I walked through the door I saw Missy, sat on the top of our brown leather sofa.  She casually looked over her shoulder with sleepy eyes and meowed.  I knew I was home!

Even as I write this I can feel a lump welling in my throat.  At that time I couldn’t hold it in and burst into tears.  Im not sure why?  Was it the sight of our house, Missy?  I think it was a combination of everything that washed over me causing an overload of emotions…..silly really.

Anyway, when we had to make the decision about missy as she had been unwell for some time all I could think about was this snapshot of my journey.  She was a companion during the following weeks were I adapted to my new life with a stoma.  While I overcame and processed what had happened to me.  I had underestimated what an important part of my life she had been over recent months.  But at that moment in the vets I was reminded.

Missy was my first pet so for that alone she will be special.  Something I am sure any pet owners appreciate. .  If you don’t have pets or never have you’ll probably be reading this thinking…WHAT???

But more than that Missy was a very important part of my recovery, more than I had realised until she was no longer in our family.   

She will be missed but importantly I will always be grateful for the companionship she showed me during some of the most challenging months of my life.

A momentary lack of concentration

Tommorrow is Nuclear races biggest event of the year...FALLOUT. Its my home teams race, and I am going to miss it!

For no reason other than my own stupidity and bad luck.

Last Sunday half of the Nuclear team (yes I am part of a team, I did write a blog to post today but its become corrupted. So ill write again ASAP)

We took a team trip to Norwich and Mucky races Steeplechase. More of a cross country race rather than an obstacle heavy race. I had only entered to 5km with my fellow Nuker Tracey.

oh and tge team "van" is really impressive!!

The course had some challenges with some unfortunate bottle necks. So we decided to help and boost people over and encourage obvious 1st timers. After all its what us Nukers do :)

After about 3km I will be honest the bottle necks became frustrating. So as we came to the next obstacle I jumped in ready to step up my pace...not my best idea!

The water was far shallower and the terrain far more uneven than I had anticipated!
I landed badly :( immedately I felt a ping and pain.

I hobbled on for about another 1/2 km but when we reached the next marshall I listened to the signals my body was giving me. I stopped took off my shoe and POW! Immediate swelling.

No way I was going to hobble back to start so a 4x4 ambulance was required.  A tad embarrising but the medics were great checking that I hadnt done any serious injury

Fortunately my ego had taken more of a bettering than my ankle. Although I think youll agree the swelling was impressive!

By Wednesday I gave in and went to Minor injuries to get it properly looked at.  Good news no breaks or apparent ligament damage. I was sent hone with a smile and prescription for "man up" pills.

Good news..but bad news a bad sprain has put me out of Fallout. Gutted is an understatement! The event is lining up to be monumental.

So to support the team Im going to hobble around the events village and be there in spirit if  not running.


#LOVEMUD

Return to the Gym!

So for various reasons I have had a bit of a break from training.  This is mostly a result of September being one of my biggest number event of the year!  Looking back I had an event every weekend!

I'm behind with video editing but as IO am so far behind I am working on a 'mash up' of the 4 events into one video ;)

I have also started to realize that I hadnt really been giving myself enough rest between events or refuelling appropriately.

Well as the end of silly season I am trying to settle down into a normal training regieme.  WOW does time off make a difference, I had also picked up a few strains and niggles ( a nasty stomach strain from rope climbing training, luckily nothing serious)

Whilst I had hobbled and struggled around 4 races being back in the gym I began to feel my lack of training.

I had been progressing nicely with my fitness and dead-lift and squats had progressed to a nicely to body weight reps.  My super sets (final part of circuit) whilst still destroying me felt respectable, like I belonged in the gym.

Unfortunately (and this is probably my ego speaking here) being back after nearly 2 months the workout feels like a HUGE step back. :(

I trust Phil (my trainer) and know that this is what is required to quickly get back to my old fitness levels, (plus avoid injury) but, ill be honest last week I became very frustrated.  I had begun making excuses as to why I couldn't go to the gym, missing the alarm or being grateful work was busy.

Don't get me wrong fitting in tranining around life in general has always been challenging, but when you are getting frustrated.......

As always try to finish on a positive, and Im getting there

I joined my wife for an Insanity training session on Sunday and again became very frustrated.  The session included allot of core work and I guess this is the area that I had suffered the most from my training break.  I had to sit out whole sections of the class as I just wasnt willing to push it.  A few twinges around my stoma and I knew I had to back off.

My alarm went off at 5.20 yesterday and after sunday, my ahces and general laziness meant I pressed snooze and slept on.

All day I regretted the decision, I had put my gym bag in the boot of my car with the ambition to go straight from work. by 2pm I had already began making excuses though as to why it wasnt a good idea.

 'The gym will be too busy'

'The equipment I want to use  wont be available'

Even as I pulled into the parking bay at the gym, I still wasn't committed. The gym as it happens wasn't that busy.

I started to warm up and didn't look back, I had a tough yet GREATworkout, I had found my gym 'mojo' again ;)

I am now looking forward to my next session Thursday and PT session Saturday and I am focusing on pushing the curve to get back to my old levels of fitness.

WATCH THIS SPACE PEOPLE I AM A MAN ON A MISSION!!

Stoma what the hell is a Stoma?? #re-published#

Hi all,

So again a repost but with more FB and twitter friends Im hoping this awareness post will reach some new people and the word Ostomy will not be so alien :)


An ileostomy is a surgical procedure to link the end of the small intestine to an opening in the abdomen (stoma)

In an ileostomy, the end of the small intestine (the ileum) is disconnected from the colon (large intestine) and re-routed through a hole made in the abdomen, which is known as a stoma. An external bag (stoma bag) is attached to the opening to collect waste products.
An ileostomy is a relatively common surgery. In England, an estimated 9,000 are carried out by the NHS each year.

When is an ileostomy needed?
An ileostomy is needed when the colon (large intestine) is damaged, inflamed or loses function. It is also used to treat some types of cancer, where it is necessary to remove part or all of the colon.


Types of ileostomy
There are three main types of ileostomy:
• loop ileostomy
• end ileostomy

Loop ileostomy
During a loop ileostomy, a loop of the small intestine is brought out through the stoma. The procedure is usually only used as a temporary measure when it is necessary to remove part of the rectum. Once the remaining colon has healed it can be reconnected to the small intestine and the stoma can be closed.
Loop ileostomies are often used to treat bowel cancer.
End ileostomy
During an end ileostomy the colon and rectum are removed and the end of the ileum is brought out through the stoma and attached to an external bag. An end ileostomy is usually permanent.

An ileo-anal pouch (also known as a J pouch) is sometimes used as an alternative to an external bag. This is an internal pouch surgically constructed from the small intestine and connected to the sphincter muscle that surrounds the anus. It means bowel actions can be controlled in the normal way.
Ileo-anal pouches are now preferred because they eliminate the external bag. However, they are not suitable for every patient. Disadvantages include having to go to the toilet frequently to empty the pouch.

So there it is, never thought this blog would be educational :) I have and will make reference to 'my bag', 'ileo' or 'stoma' regularily throughout these blogs. So thought it was good to share what these unusualy terms were :)

As I have already said my reasons for sharing are not for sympathy as my stoma in reality stops me from doing very little. My op was 6.5 years ago, but, I have a 5 year old son and I am traininig in a gym or running 5 days a week! Oh thats whilst trying to keep down a stressful career in Sales, look after our new puppy and try and spend some quality time with my wife!!! So all in all regardless if you are or are not an ostomist a hectic lifestyle :)

Oh....and for the record right now I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!