Scanxiety...

Hi...so i am fairly sure I have blogged about this before?

Scanxiety is the anxiety brought on by a pending scan or scan results.

It's a term I heard a few years ago. I think it's such a perfect way of describing how you feel when waiting for a scan or scan results.

Well, as I write this I am actually sat in an actually hospital Endoscopy waiting room, waiting for my name to be called.

So you could say my scanxiety is high at the moment.

Now this is a feeling that I felt before. This year is nothing special. (I've had to have this scan at least once a year for the past nine years. In the early days was every 6 months) so it isn't the procedure that I'm anxious about. I know what happens. How it's feels. I won't lie it isn't pleasant but it's over fairly quickly.

I think this year I'm feeling more scanxiety because of the date.

This is the first time I can recall my scan being almost exactly the same time as my first ever scan . I'm also also aware it means the results letter should also arrive around the same time I was diagnosed in February.

Coincidences I am sure. But it doesn't help add to the scanxiety.

In addition as some of you may know I still need a fairly major op to remove my remaining rectal stump. This still has UC and as this developed into cancer before they need to keep an eye on it.

I was told the op must be within 5 years of my original operation. Feb this year is my 9th Cancerversary. So I am also aware I can't delay this operation forever.

People tell you to be positive, that everything will be ok. Think of how much stronger and fitter you are now compared to 9 years ago.

Well 9 years ago I thought I was fine...I feel fine today...What's different?

Anyone that has had to battle cancer and one shoukd agree. You do lose trust in your own body. I didn't know the tumor was there 9 years ago....who is to say there isn't another one hiding there today?

This isnt being negative..just realistic.

It's a worry, a nagging monkey on your shoulder that I think never truely goes away.

So...there it is..scanxiety. I hope you never have to experience it, however, if you do at least you can label it and know that you are not alone.  No one is ever truely alone.