Silver Linings

Some of you who have been following my blog may remember an older blog where I was discussing the things that having an Ostomy had given and taken away from me.

In a light hearted moment I mentioned how the one random thing I actually miss is farting.  Yes, its still true.  It’s a fact you really do not know what you have got till its gone!

My last blog post was written whilst sat in a hospital waiting room.  I was due my annual endoscopy check and biopsies.  Im afraid the procedure did not go well and due to some nasty inflammation from the Ulcerative Colitis in my rectal stump was not completed.  

I won’t lie I had a tough few days after this.  The last time it had flared up this bad was 9 years ago when I was told I had bowel cancer and need an operation.  I know it sounds a bit dramatic as I am fitter and healthier than ever…but that’s what I felt.

Anyway, I was given some lovely new foam suppositories to take over the next month to control the flare up and allow the endoscopy to be rebooked.  Im not sure if I have actually said this before, I think I have but im not 100%. Well, after having bowel cancer and an Ostomy your bashfulness disappears.  I mean cumon, if you got a group of Optimists in a room together we could talk all day about bodily functions and ultimately……shit! Lol

When writing some of these blogs I often have to edit them as I worry about being too blunt.  Well sorry, in this one the filters are being turned off!

The new meds….they aren’t pleasant.  They are a can of compressed air and foam designed to get the medication as far up into a ‘normal persons’ bowel as possible.  Id assume a good foot or so?  Well I’m not normal…I only have about 6-8inches of stump left…..can you see where I am going with this yet?

The medication and air therefore used is a bit excessive for a track of my length, it does make using them even more of a challenge!

But that’s not what this blog is really about.

In life I believe we must always look for the silver linings, try and see the positives in even the most negative...well apart from the obvious benefits of the medication they had a very unusual side effect.

Seems shortly after administering them....I get to do something I have done in almost 9 years......yep that's right. ....FART!

So there it is....my most random of wishes and the thing I missed has finally returned!

You don't know what you've got till its gone. Treasure the little things. The things that make life fun.

In my opinion it's these little things that make you smile...not matter how small, how weird, how insignificant it may seem to others, it's these weird things that make us smile....that make life worth living 😊

Scanxiety...

Hi...so i am fairly sure I have blogged about this before?

Scanxiety is the anxiety brought on by a pending scan or scan results.

It's a term I heard a few years ago. I think it's such a perfect way of describing how you feel when waiting for a scan or scan results.

Well, as I write this I am actually sat in an actually hospital Endoscopy waiting room, waiting for my name to be called.

So you could say my scanxiety is high at the moment.

Now this is a feeling that I felt before. This year is nothing special. (I've had to have this scan at least once a year for the past nine years. In the early days was every 6 months) so it isn't the procedure that I'm anxious about. I know what happens. How it's feels. I won't lie it isn't pleasant but it's over fairly quickly.

I think this year I'm feeling more scanxiety because of the date.

This is the first time I can recall my scan being almost exactly the same time as my first ever scan . I'm also also aware it means the results letter should also arrive around the same time I was diagnosed in February.

Coincidences I am sure. But it doesn't help add to the scanxiety.

In addition as some of you may know I still need a fairly major op to remove my remaining rectal stump. This still has UC and as this developed into cancer before they need to keep an eye on it.

I was told the op must be within 5 years of my original operation. Feb this year is my 9th Cancerversary. So I am also aware I can't delay this operation forever.

People tell you to be positive, that everything will be ok. Think of how much stronger and fitter you are now compared to 9 years ago.

Well 9 years ago I thought I was fine...I feel fine today...What's different?

Anyone that has had to battle cancer and one shoukd agree. You do lose trust in your own body. I didn't know the tumor was there 9 years ago....who is to say there isn't another one hiding there today?

This isnt being negative..just realistic.

It's a worry, a nagging monkey on your shoulder that I think never truely goes away.

So...there it is..scanxiety. I hope you never have to experience it, however, if you do at least you can label it and know that you are not alone.  No one is ever truely alone.

A life less Ordinary

Once again I find myself starting a blog apologising for the lack of blog posts!

Truth is...Yes life has been busy. However I've also not been feeling myself. Someone described it as feeling flat!

Even by my standards the last few months has been MANIC! So I guess I can be excused for being a bit tired 

Decembeard ambassador

JFM digital campaign ambassador (A HUGE honour and when December is finished worthy of a whole blog post of its own)
Speaking for Convatec @ ASCN conference and multiple patient events

Coverage in multiple newspapers & websites

Decembeard pictures feature on L'Oréal Paris website....and I'm sure alot more that has blurred into this insane journey!

However it's days like today that consistently humble me. Today Nuclear races allowed us to set up a Decembeard dip. All money raised being donated to Decembeard.

Anyway..with most of my blogs they start as one idea...then turn into something else!

Id like to use this blog to acknowledge all the people I have had the honour of meeting this year.

Far too many to name!  However, there are a few people that I am especially lucky to of met this year. They will always remain very special to me for many many reasons.

Perhaps it's as I turn 37 in a few days? Getting sentimental in my old age?

But when I was diagnosed at 28 I didn't think I'd make my 30th birthday.  Over the last 9 years I have had lots of new experiences that were only part of my journey because of that crossroad. This has included meeting people I would never of met unless my life had taken this huge swerve!

I won't embarrass the hero's, the fighters, the humble survivors and the #weirdos I am referring to, but as they read this blog.... I hope they know who they are.

To appreciate how far you have come, you need only look to your past

Once again I find myself apologising for not writting a blog for over a month!

Once again a poor excuse is life has been so BUSY!!

The last few months have been mad! Speaking as a patient advocate for Convatec, speaking at ASCN (association of Stoma Care Nurses exhibition), being asked to be a 2015 #Decembeard Ambassador, attending some awesome events and beingnphotographed by @garconjon.  Then being able to work with Just For Men to accelerate this project! Wow! 

And that's just the really exciting stuff...include the (what has now become normal) numerous races and events, Nuclear Tasters  (sharing my love of mud with others). Again who would've thought that these activities would just be classed as my #normallife

Whilst recently talking to a good friend they asked how long I had been blogging. Seems it has been over 2 years. Time really does fly when you are having fun!

I looked back at some posts and found a post from October 2013. It was a milestone in my journey to that point. After finishing one of my first OCR'S I had walked back to the car 'bag out'

This may not sound like much compared to my 2015 exploits...but then, I assure you this was a big point in my life.

Take a read:

http://mudbagrunner.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/back-from-trenches.html?m=1

What a difference time makes. In 2015 I write a blog post on National Ostomy Awareness day on how I was asked to be an Ostomist model...for UNDERWEAR! That photoshoot, what those images meant to me was another significant part of my journey!

Missed that one too??  😉

Have a read or reread

http://mudbagrunner.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/body-confidence.html?m=1

I never would of imagined this is where my journey would of taken me. I'm excited to see where my journey will take me in the next 2 years!

With the #decembeard Just For Men project about to start...HELL I'm excited what the next 2 weeks may bring!!!

Watch this space...It's going to be a MAD few weeks!!

Just For Men #Mantime

So...That's it. My fly on the wall videoing for Just for Men has finished.

I've submitted all my videos and so far feedback has been good. The agency are happy. :)

They have actually been great. No pressure but infinite support. I still can't believe that my Beardy journey is of interest to anyone.

Without giving too much away (cause you have to watch the campaign!) The videos document my journey regrow ing my beard and sharing my stories about beating bowel cancer.

I also got to try JFM Beard and moustache for the first time (FYI I'm a convert!)

I won't lie (I never do) some of the filming was tough. Bringing back some memories. Not memories I'd blocked but some I hadn't considered for the last 8 years.

I just hope that..well...me being me hits the spot for JFM. Having access to share my story and use their social network is HUGE!!

We are only a few weeks away from Decembeard 2015 so my just giving page is set and ready.

However this year I am calling on my Beardy brothers to join 'My Team' so sign up raise some donations.

Someone is diagnosed with Bowel Cancer every 15 minutes, yet 90% of all cases diagnosed early are successfully treated. Proving that early diagnosis really does save lives....IT SAVED MINE!

So either sign up to my team or donate....either way you could be making a REAL difference in someone's life

https://www.justgiving.com/Mud-Bag-Runner-Decembeard-2015. 

Vanilla Blush photo shoot...more than just pictures

Saturday 3rd October is National Ostomy awareness day.

It seems almost fate that I am able to post this blog at such a special time.  One of the reasons I started this blog was to help spread awareness of what an Ostomy actually was.  What having a bag actually means.  This post, the pictures and the Vanilla Blush film definitely do that!

Most of the blog below started off as a status update in a closed Ostomy group.  As often happens the words flowed and before I knew it I had almost written this entire blog in an FB status update!  After the responses I received it seemed only right to use these words for a base for this blog post.

 As some of you may know a few months ago I was lucky enough to be asked to 'model' for Vanilla Blush.

Vanilla Blush are a company specializing in making underwear for Ostomists (people with bags similar to mine) However, they are not just functional pieces of underwear they are also designed (in my opinion) with the Ostomist in mind.

By this I mean yes they are functional. but they are also comfortable and fashionable.  When you look at the pics below they are also most importantly still sexy.  Their products offer support and confidence when undertaking every day activities to sport and even intimacy.  

I think the reason this shows is all of their garments are not only made for Ostomists, they are actually design by an Ostomist.  Nicola Dames CEO of Vanilla Blush is an Ostomist herself.  I think this shows in the products they produce.

Well, I was asked if Id like to be part of a photography shoot for some of the new Vanilla Blush range.

Initially let me explain that despite my perhaps 'perceived' confidence like many of us (Ostomist and non Ostomist alike) I still battle with body confidence issues.  Not just my bag, but normal everyday ones like hair loss or weight.  Well I believe it or not this photo shoot did put me outside of my comfort zone. Potentially exposing all of my personal body confidence issues for all to see.

But after seeing these pics and showing a few close friends the feedback made me look at myself in the mirror and give myself a good hard SLAP. A reminder of something I'd forgotten.

We all have body confidence 'challenges' the thing I'd forgotten is they are mine, I give them control and power. However, I also have the ability to overcome them.

I guess what I am saying is it has taken me a long time to get here, blood, sweat and tears, mentally and physically. We all have body confidence issues. We shouldn't hide from them. We should embrace them it's what makes us all such unique and special people :)

Whilst these images will hopefully help challenge some stoma stigmas I'm also grateful for this opportunity to take a look at myself as I'm seen by others. Not how I perhaps see myself :)

Check out the awesome teaser video released
 by Vanilla Blush

https://youtu.be/ppMbYAkmfbo

I’d also like to officially put in this blog my thanks.  My thanks to Vanilla Blush for allowing me to be part of this, but also for helping me to progress with my own body confidence issues. 

I don’t think these demons ever really fully go away but with their garments and the additional confidence this photo shoot gave me, they definitely make it harder for me to hear them.

Decembeard 2015

So Beating Bowel Cancers 2015 Decembeard launch party was last night. It means I can now reveal exactly what I am going to be doing this year for #Decembeard

Just for Men are proud to be a 'Major Partner' supporting Decembeard in 2015

I'm honoured to say I have been asked to play a key role in this campaign. Over the next month I'll be filming my bearded adventures and man time moments.

This will then be used throughout their social media and digital 2015 campaign in November and throughout December!

What an honour! What an opportunity to spread awareness about bowel cancer and make a real difference!

So watch this space for teasers as I show everyone what Decembeard is all about!

1st stage.....my beard is about to go! I start the journey like the thousands of other men...clean shaven... (ish)

#mantime #decembeard #beatingbowelcancer #realmengrowbeards #masterofmantime